FFM2020 #6: Fairy Dating Service

[rainstardragon]

I'm working on Selkies' Skins also, really. I checked where I'm at in my outline and what's got to be moved into book 3's outline today.

Prompt 1: "Because nothing ever decent lives in a thicket of thorns and vines." - by FishySomethingIs (Year 2015)

Prompt 2: A witch with one familiar for each day of the week - by SpearHawk

Prompt 3: Fungi are more closely related to animals than plants - by neurotype

Prompt 4: Things you didn't expect to hear on the Food Network. - by SarcasticCupcake5

At Deviant Art: https://www.deviantart.com/amehanarainstardrago/art/FFM2020-6-Fairy-Dating-Service-847815566
Fur Affinity: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37113640/

FFM2020 #6: Fairy Dating Service

Hecate wondered if the Goddess she were named for had these sort of problems. She fisted her hands on her hips and scowled at the briars and thorns that had sprung overnight in her garden.

 

“I know you folk are in there. Good Folk or no I really need my underwear drawer back. It’s not funny.”

 

There was a collective titter in the viney, thorny, suspiciously pretty mass. Suddenly a very old, holey pair of her most ancient and embarrassing undies waggled at the end of a tentacle vine extending from the mass. This dangled now 6 inches in front of her nose.

 

With a sigh she snatched it off. The titters became full belly laughs.

 

“I need the rest, AND my bras. They don’t hold themselves.”

 

Said vine now very carefully wrapped around her and provided support.

 

“You expect me to go shopping with you holding them?”

 

Obligingly for fey they jiggled them for her seductively.

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

Another extended up above the bramble that had taken over her garden. Horrifically it lofted one of her lace teddies in the now capering breeze.

 

“I do not need laid!”

 

They only jiggled more. Some jester started playing what they thought played in the local bar.

 

“Look, if I go looking for a boyfriend will you guys please give me my underwear back?”

 

A matched set of scratchy lacy things that definitely were NOT something she’d buy herself came her way.

 

“The rest when we have the proof!” A full score of tiny voices chorused.

 

“I may just replace them when and as I can… be easier.” She mused to herself, being very careful not to voice it.

 

“We’ll just keep stealing them if you buy more until we see you happy with a man, or even a woman.”

 

Her familiar of the day brushed around her ankles. The other six cats lined up in solidarity with the Wee Ones.

 

“Your familiars agree with us!”

 

“Fine….” She groaned. “But I don’t know what to do to find a boyfriend…”

 

“Then we’ll help you! We know this fine lad we’ve been eyeing for you. You’ll like him. And… he has ‘benefits’ you wouldn’t normally think of.”

 

She groaned again. If she ever found out who signed her up for the Fairy Dating Service they were going to be her new hex test target. “I hope that doesn’t mean he’s an anthropomorphic fungus that would keep my fridge stocked with all the mushrooms I can eat.”

 

“Thought you liked mushrooms. They are closer to animal than plant, after all.”

 

Hecate covered her face. They meant well, right? Right?